“Po-ta-toes,” mentioned Sam. “The Gaffer’s delight, and uncommon good ballast for an empty stomach. However you received’t discover any, so that you needn’t look.”
— J.R.R. Tolkien, “The Two Towers” (The Lord of the Rings)
Thursday April 17, 2025 was an enormous day for me. I took myself on an journey. It wasn’t an enormous journey. Only a day trip on the coast. Nevertheless it was the primary time I’d taken myself out for the day in virtually a yr. Final time it was a visit into town to see an exhibition of work by the famend English panorama painter J. M. W. Turner. There was no intention or aim this time past a way of curiosity. How would it not really feel to be out of my traditional setting after so lengthy? I’d chosen a day when the climate promised to be dry and vibrant, however past that I had solely the loosest of plans. I’d catch the Metro practice to Tynemouth, stroll to the ocean entrance, then head north. Possibly I’d stroll on the seaside. Possibly I’d paddle. There have been any variety of cafes, espresso retailers, and pubs I’d cease at for one thing to eat or drink.
The one factor I did wish to do was purchase chips and sit consuming them by the ocean. There have been a few choices. The fish and chip van that usually parked simply alongside from Tynemouth Aquarium. The fish and chip store at Cullercoats. Both of these can be good. There was a fish and chip store in Tynemouth too, however that wasn’t as near the ocean entrance. No matter else occurred, no matter I noticed or did, a tray of chips — even higher, a chip stottie — would make the right reminiscence of my day trip.
Tynemouth Metro station was abandoned once I arrived. I took just a few moments to {photograph} the beautiful structure. The broad central steps resulting in the footbridge to the alternative platform. The sweeping ironwork of the roof, renovated lately. I made my method from the station in direction of the ocean entrance. The principle road of Tynemouth was as fairly as I remembered it, lined with pubs, bars, and present retailers. A show of rubber geese in a single store window. I took photographs as I went alongside and shared just a few in chat with Fran for when she woke. It was a bit of after 9 thirty. Too early to cease for meals but. I’d had breakfast earlier than I set out and had a flask of espresso with me. The considered chips later spurred me on. A stroll first, to provide me an urge for food.
I stood for some time earlier than the looming mass of Tynemouth fort. Past the railings the moat fell twenty or thirty toes, then rose once more in a steep grassy slope to the gatehouse past. I considered my unpublished novella Enjoying at Darkness which is about throughout the partitions of the fort over the course of in the future and evening. A key scene performs out in and across the moat. If I half closed my eyes I may virtually — virtually — see the drama unfold in entrance of me. There’s a number of me invested in that place, emotionally and creatively.
I turned away and commenced my stroll north alongside the promenade. King Edward’s Bay opened beneath me to my proper. Reminiscences of time spent on that little seaside through the years, alone and with pals. I shook my head to centre myself within the current. Pausing on one of many many benches I opened my diary and commenced to put in writing, holding the pages flat in opposition to the breeze.
10:05 am. Tynemouth. A bench overlooking the ocean.
Properly, I lastly dedicated to my little journey! It’s a quiet day, not many people about in any respect. I assume the query I’m posing by doing one thing totally different is “what distinction does it make?” Why did I come right here as an alternative of spending one other morning writing at Costa? Is that this higher? The identical? Or is the query itself meaningless? There’s no scale in opposition to which to measure any of it. Do that. Do this. The universe doesn’t care — and even discover — what I select to do or how I select to spend my time.
I closed my diary and put it away. I continued my stroll north, stopping to take such pictures as caught my eye. The fort and priory. The sweep of the shore. Shelters silhouetted in opposition to the skyline. A small wood rowboat, nameless save for the quantity 12 painted on her stern, transformed into a unusual planter for tulips. It was one other echo of my novella, which recounted a distinct rowboat marrooned excessive above the tide. The overlap of actuality and fiction. Then and now. Actual and imagined.
The previous rowing boat is nothing particular. For sixty years she labored the mouth of the good river, plying the harmful waters round Black Middens till the previous commerce waned. Now she is the final of her sort. 5 winters weathered her boards on the steeply banked pebbles of Prior’s Haven. Then males took her, painted her gaudy in blue and white and named her anew. Now the “Northumbrian Water” rests excessive above the water line, berthed perpetually within the turfed earth beside the Gibraltar Rock.
Forward of me within the distance I may see the huge white bulk of the Tynemouth Citadel Inn. It could be nice to sit down exterior there with a pint. I’d finished that a few times earlier than. It was nonetheless early, although, and I needed to eat earlier than I considered beer. Possibly on the best way again after I’d had my chips. Past the resort, the aquarium. Extra reminiscences, previous and fewer previous, normal and particular. The newest was some six years in the past. January 2019. Sheltering within the doorway from the rain as I waited for a pal. A couple of hundred yards past the aquarium carpark was the place the chip van plied its commerce. I may see a big van pulled up there, however as I obtained nearer I noticed it was promoting ice lotions and drinks solely. A minor disappointment, however I consoled myself with the thought that the chip store nonetheless lay forward. That will be higher anyway.
It’s not more than half a mile between the aquarium and Cullercoats bay however I took my time. I sat for a second on one other of the benches that line the promenade. How am I feeling?I requested myself. Proper now. What am I feeling? It’s solely a yr or so since I discovered about alexithymia. It’s a time period for the issue many individuals — me included — have in figuring out and speaking their feelings. I’ve written elsewhere about alexithymia and the way it impacts me. In a really actual sense, it was unattainable for me to explain how I felt as I sat on that bench within the sunshine. I used to be feeling one thing however I couldn’t label it. Even distinguishing my emotions as “good” or “unhealthy” was a problem. There was a way of satisfaction, that I’d taken myself out for the day. However uneasiness too, as a result of I wasn’t certain that it was significant to have finished so. I had no actual intention, past that tray of chips.
As I continued my stroll, the broad sweep of Cullercoats bay got here into view. I may pick the lifeboat station, the slipway, and the steep slope that led all the way down to the seaside from the street. Throughout the street, the row of buildings that included a restaurant, a few bars, the neighborhood centre I visited final yr with my pal Aimee to attend a psychological well being occasion, and the chip store. Possibly I’d take my tray of chips all the way down to the seaside. Or simply sit looking throughout the ocean as I’d finished many instances previously.
The chip store was closed.
It was a couple of minutes earlier than eleven o’clock so I wandered a bit of additional to {photograph} the bay from the wrong way. Eleven ten got here and handed. Eleven fifteeen. There was no signal of sunshine or motion from contained in the store and no indication of its opening hours that I may see. It’d open at noon however that felt too lengthy to attend round. I wasn’t certain what to do. The cafe was open however regarded busy. There was one other cafe across the nook and a espresso store a couple of minutes stroll away. I didn’t need a sit-down meal, although, and I nonetheless had espresso in my flask. Nothing I may consider was what I needed.
I had a flashback to 2020 when hospitality started reopening after months of lockdown. I took myself into Newcastle metropolis centre with the only real intention of revisiting my then favorite espresso store, Caffè Nero at St Mary’s Place reverse the Civic Centre. I arrived to discover a word within the window explaining they couldn’t muster sufficient employees to open. There have been different espresso retailers in Newcastle. There have been no less than two extra Caffè Nero shops, any of which could effectively have been open. However that wasn’t what I needed. I caught the following practice house. I recalled how different folks had reacted to my story. “For those who’d held your self open to alternatives as an alternative of getting all huffy you may need had a good time, only a totally different time.” That was true, in fact. However I hadn’t been huffy. Not likely. Upset, sure. However by heading house I wasn’t giving up on my day. I used to be honouring my folorn hopes and aspirations.
It didn’t seem like I used to be going to get any chips. It was a disappointment, for certain. Greater than I’d have imagined. Possibly I’d tied my hopes too tightly to the concept sooner or later I’d be sitting on a bench with a tray of chips. Possibly a chip butty. With salt and vinegar and a touch of brown sauce. I may virtually style it. I took just a few extra photographs of the bay and commenced strolling again the best way I’d come. I couldn’t consider anything — or higher — to do. What did “higher” imply, anyway?
Passing the park my consideration was caught by a flash of motion. White sails on the boating lake. There’d been none earlier. I recalled there was a mannequin boat membership that met on the park. I hesitated, questioning if there was any level in crossing the street to have a look. With out consciously deciding to, I discovered myself sitting on a bench within the park as perhaps a dozen radio-controlled yachts raced forwards and backwards throughout the water. For the primary time in my day I felt absolutely engaged with what was occurring round me. I watched the yachts for some time, recording a brief video to share with Fran later. It was getting near the time for our name. It was nice sitting there, however a bit breezy for a video dialog.
I discovered a shelter just a few hundred yards alongside the promenade and settled in out of the breeze. Whereas I waited, I recalled different instances I’d been dissatisfied by occasions that failed to fulfill my hopes and expectations. One night stroll throughout covid got here to thoughts, when a succession of small grievances left me feeling chilly, moist, and grumpy. I smiled at myself, remembering it solely too effectively. Different potato-related disappointments got here to thoughts. The takeout meal that arrived with out the chips that had been ordered. One other takeout, at my pal Aimee’s this time, when the chips had been so disgusting I couldn’t eat them in any respect. I smiled once more. Potato-related disappointments certainly!
Fran messaged to say she was free for a name and in a second I used to be now not by myself with my ideas. She instructed me she was pleased with me for taking myself out on my little journey. Quite than ask how I felt, she invited me to share what I’d been doing, realizing that’s a lot simpler for me to explain. I recounted my day in short, from my arrival in Tynemouth. I did share one emotion. The one I had no issue labeling. My disappointment on the lack of chips!
I instructed Fran concerning the boats on the lake and despatched her the video I’d recorded. We found we every had childhood tales of proudly owning a mannequin yacht. As I described mine to her I may see it clearly. The strong wood hull, the metallic keel, the buff colored sails, the rigging with its nylon fittings. The small flag I’d added, lower from a scrap of purple cloth. Reminiscences swirled round us as we shared our respective tales, just like the sailboats on the lake.
After speaking some time, we moved on. As we walked, I shared along with her the sights and sounds of the coast. It jogged my memory of different instances I’ve walked with pals beside the ocean. We watched an enormous container vessel because it made its method in direction of the mouth of the river. I confirmed her King Edward’s Bay and we stopped for a couple of minutes by the fort and moat. Fran recalled that I’ve taken her there on calls previously. Prior’s Haven, and alongside the pier to the little lighthouse. It warmed me that she remembered.
Marshalls Fish Store was open, however by now I’d settled into the concept of not having that exact expectation met, and we saved strolling. We stopped by the strict bronze statue of Queen Victoria to say hey, however she declined to smile. We obtained again to the station and crossed the foot bridge to the alternative platform. Our practice arrived inside minutes. Fran stayed with me on the decision most of my method house. We parted simply, each grateful for having shared my journey.
As soon as house, I went via the numerous photographs and movies I’d taken, posting the most effective to social media to share with my pals and followers. I’ll not have had my chips, however I’d had fun and I used to be glad I’d taken myself out. Later within the day, I checked on-line. The chip store in Cullercoats opens at 11:30 am. If I’d thought to examine whereas I used to be there, or stayed one other twenty minutes or so, I may have had my chips in spite of everything! It was wonderful, although. There was no extra — and no much less — that means in my chip-free day than there would have been if my hopes had been realised.
When the chips are down what issues, what makes issues significant, is much less the issues themselves — what you do or the place you go or what you eat looking over the ocean — and extra the chance to share them with a pal.
Photograph by Martin Baker, Grand Parade, Tynemouth, September 2018.