A current persona take a look at exhibits that I’m a ENFJ particular person: a protagonist who’s extrovert, intuitive (open-minded, curious), feeling (delicate, emotionally expressive) and judging (decisive, organized).
(By the best way I extremely suggest this persona take a look at! It’s one of the best I had finished in my complete life and it’s free!)
Let’s speak about feeling.
I knew I’m a extremely delicate particular person even with out studying the outcomes of this take a look at. Many of the instances I might sense the slightest change of feelings within the room, by simply noticing small unnatural change of physique language like eyes motions, tone in talking, silence and and many others. Or from the tone of textual content messages, social media posts, I might inform how somebody is feeling.
That helps me perceive different folks higher and know reply in sync with others’ feelings. By the best way, excessive sensitivity additionally makes me an ideal lie detector. Strive me 😉
I’m additionally an emotional particular person, which implies I categorical robust emotions in the direction of exterior elements. I could possibly be generally melancholy, generally joyful; all at an even bigger magnitude than people who find themselves much less emotional. It means I acknowledge my emotions, categorical and handle them, as a substitute of suppressing or ignoring emotions.
Nevertheless, you see, being a delicate and emotional particular person doesn’t imply that I’m a freak or have drawback with psychological well being. Or makes me any much less emotionally clever.
Quoting from Psychology At the moment, “Emotional intelligence is the power to establish and handle your personal feelings and the feelings of others.” Recognizing personal feelings helps us to handle our emotions, whereas recognizing feelings in others is a manner of exhibiting empathy and helps in interpersonal relationships.
Emotions are private, there isn’t any proper or flawed in emotions. You aren’t the opposite particular person, please don’t choose or invalidate somebody’s emotions, even when your logical considering is telling you that “he/she shouldn’t really feel this fashion”.
I handled emotion invalidation a couple of instances this 12 months, it’s terrible. Belief me after I mentioned that.
Me: “I really feel chilly right here.” X: “It’s not even chilly in any respect, I don’t perceive why you are feeling chilly. ”
Me: “I really feel damage, these phrases damage.” X: “There is no such thing as a damage inside us, there shouldn’t be any damage.”
Me: “I’m disillusioned.” X: “Unsure what you might be on.”
Simply think about you had been already feeling detrimental feelings, and nonetheless needed to take care of judgement, rejection and invalidation.
As an alternative of claiming issues like these, we might higher reply with
- ask why the opposite particular person feels this fashion
- validate their emotions, “I hear you, I get it, I see that it’s painful for you”
- ask what can we do to assist them really feel higher and take the motion
- apologize sincerely (whether or not we deliberately or unintentionally trigger the opposite particular person to really feel this fashion)
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I perceive that not everybody would really feel the identical and I by no means demand anybody to. When encountering scenario like this, I might all the time first assume from the opposite particular person’s perspective, then clarify why do I really feel such emotion within the different particular person’s language. If the opposite celebration nonetheless continues to invalidate my feelings, I might distant myself. Generally some time, generally a very long time. Not essentially the most splendid answer however it’s a needed safety.
After a couple of extra conversations however nonetheless invalidated by the identical particular person, guess what? I don’t put up with these shits anymore. Pardon my language, it feels liberating to say that to myself.
The older I turn out to be, the extra I understand it’s okay to be not excellent. I don’t need to all the time be good particularly when others cross my backside line. I’m simply being human. ❤